The oil crisis

A lot of folks can't understand how we came
to have an oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in
~~~
ALASKA
~~~
California
~~~
Coastal Florida
~~~
Coastal Louisiana
~~~
Kansas
~~~
Oklahoma
~~~
Pennsylvania
and
Texas
~~~
Our
DIPSTICKS
are located in
Washington, DC!!!

Any Questions???
..... Didn't think So.

Are we really ready for this?

Here we go again.

What the signs really say.

It pays to learn english.

I don't think the food is that bad.

NASCAR Nextel Cup driver Reed Sorenson's second trip to Pittsburgh was
a memorable one Tuesday. Sorenson, part of Pittsburgh native Chip
Ganassi's racing team, was at Primanti Brothers in the Strip District
for lunch and, as part of a promotional event, to hand out TUMS to
fellow patrons. "I had a cheese steak and a pastrami; the cheese steak
was pretty good," Sorenson said. "First time I've had anything like
that, all smashed together." The event was a cross-promotion between
Ganassi Racing and one of its primary sponsors, GlaxoSmithKline, the
maker of TUMS.

Don't Piss Off Pluto

http://view.break.com/366315

Let's rap

If women drink these in a bar...........

IF WOMEN DRINK THESE DRINKS IN A PUB ... (NOT AT HOME)

BEER
Personality: Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

COCKTAILS OR BLENDER DRINKS WITH UMBRELLA
Personality: Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

MIXED DRINKS - NO UMBRELLAS E.G.; GIN AND TONIC / SCOTCH AND SODA
Personality: Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants
Approach: If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.

WATER
Personality: Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.
Approach: Don't.

WINE - (BOTTLED, NOT 4 LITRE CASK)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach: Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, MUDSHAKE ETC.
Personality: Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.
Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is... And you're in.

SPIRITS SUCH AS CC, WILD TURKEY, SOUTHERN COMFORT
Personality: Watch out, they are unique! A real mixture of personalities. Love to be laid!
Approach: Talk dirty to them whilst challenging them intellectually - you're in!

CAPE VELVET
Personality: Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach: Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.

SHOTS AND SLAMMERS (TEQUILA, VODKA, COWBOYS, AFTERSHOCK ETC.)
Personality: Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk.
Approach: Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait......

SPIRITS SUCH AS JACKS, BEAM & BUNDY
Personality: Enjoys male company more than females, loves to party hard
Approach: Keep buying them drinks, they'll think you're a nice bloke and they are probably trying to work out how to get you to bed!



IF MEN DRINK in a PUB.. (As always, very simple and clear cut.)

CIDER
He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.

CHEAP DOMESTIC BEER
He's poor / student and wants to get laid.

CASTLE LAGER BEER
He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

IMPORTED BEER
He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.

GUINNESS
The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.

WATER
He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid.

WINE
He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.

VODKA OR BRANDY
Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.

PORT
Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.

WHISKY/JACK DANIELS
He doesn't give two $hits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.

JIM BEAM
Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.

RUM OR TEQUILA
Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.

BACARDI BREEZER, RED SQUARE, ARCHERS COOLER, SMIRNOFF ICE, ETC
He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

WEIRD NEWS

Man Jailed For Putting Urine In Coffee At Work
Co-Workers Say Man Put Urine In Coffee Pot For Several Months(who figured this out? Did someone say they had tasted it before?)
UPDATED: 7:18 am EDT September 19, 2006
AKRON, Ohio -- There will be no trial for an Ohio postal worker accused of urinating in his co-workers' coffee.
Thomas Shaheen admitted Monday that he put urine in the break room coffee pot at the Wolf Ledges, Ohio, post office branch earlier this year. Shaheen was sentenced to six months in a jail work release program.
He was also ordered to pay his co-workers $1,200 to reimburse them for the video camera they rented to help capture him in the act.
Shaheen told his former co-workers during his sentencing that he was sorry for what he did.
"I just wanted to tell you I'm really sorry," said Shaheen. "I don't know what came over me. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me. I'm really sorry, I just want to get my life over, get my life going again."
But before he apologized and was sentenced, some of the postal employees he worked with at the transportation maintenance shop gave Shaheen a piece of their minds.
"He not only watched us drink the coffee but the majority of the shop, his own friends and fellow workers, about 20 of us all together, he would sit in the same room with people and watch them drink his sick little brew and think nothing of it," said postal worker Jene Jackson.
Postal workers said Shaheen poured urine in the coffee pot several times in a four- to six-month period. Employees said Shaheen was jealous of some of his peers who had certain work privileges.
"Some guys would go out in the morning and deliver trucks out to the stations, which a lot of guys would prefer doing that, and then he would stay and he would get upset about that," said one worker.
Former co-worker Jim Jackson said, "Everybody's got their own idea on the matter, it was a pretty disgusting ordeal, but it's done. I do feel for his family, we didn't deserve it and his family definitely didn't deserve what he's put them through."



Doctors Report Successful Penis Transplant(Hey Doc my horse just died and I was wondering if....)
POSTED: 12:39 pm EDT September 19, 2006
Chinese doctors said they successfully transplanted a penis on a man who lost his own in an accident, but had to remove it two weeks later because of psychological problems experienced by the man and his wife.
The case appears to be the first such transplant reported in a medical journal -- European Urology, published by the European Association of Urology.
The Chinese doctors could not be reached for comment, and their report does not explain how the 44-year-old man lost his penis. It says only that "an unfortunate traumatic accident" left him with a small stump, unable to urinate or have sex normally.
Surgeons led by Dr. Hu Weilie at Guangzhou General Hospital performed the transplant in September 2005, a hospital spokesperson said Tuesday. The penis came from a 22-year-old brain-dead man whose parents agreed to donate his organ.
"There was a strong demand from both the patient and his wife" for a transplant, and the operation "was discussed again and again" and approved by the hospital's ethics committee, Hu writes in the journal.
Despite how shocking and radical the operation sounds, it involves standard microsurgery techniques to reconnect blood vessels and nerves.
From a medical point of view, "the main hurdle is the functional recovery," said Dr. W.P. Andrew Lee, chief of plastic surgery at the University Of Pittsburgh Medical Center.
From arm and leg reattachments, it's known that nerve regrowth occurs at a rate of about an inch a month and often is insufficient to allow normal use, he said.
However, the ethical and psychological challenges in such cases can be even more paramount, as this and other recent transplants involving hands and faces illustrate.
"Some of the considerations for a penile transplant are the same as for a hand or face transplant," such as the need to take lifelong immune-suppressing drugs to prevent rejection of the new organ, Lee said.
The drugs can cause kidney and other damage, acceptable risks when the transplant involves a vital organ such as a liver or heart, but more ethically perilous when the operation is aimed at improving quality of life rather than extending it, Dr. Yoram Vardi, a neurology and urology specialist at the Rambam Medical Center in Haifa, Israel, writes in an accompanying commentary in the urology journal.
Psychological issues are keenly important. The world's first hand transplant recipient stopped taking immune suppression drugs and later requested that the hand be amputated.
Lee recalled speaking with the recipient of the world's first double-hand transplant in France, who told him it took months for him to accept his new hands and stop referring to one as "it."
Fourteen days after the penis transplant, the recipient and his wife requested that the organ be removed "because of the wife's psychological rejection as well as the swollen shape of the transplanted penis," the surgeons report in the journal.
Lab examination showed no sign of rejection, the doctor’s report.
If adequate attention had been paid to the need for counseling and other psychological concerns surrounding the transplant, "the need for penile amputation could probably have been avoided," Vardi wrote in his commentary.



Teacher's X-Rated Font Surprises Parents
Kinky Font Used On Open House Handouts
POSTED: 1:30 pm EDT September 19, 2006
MONROE, N.Y. -- It wasn't as easy as ABC.
In fact, these ABC's are leaving some parents uneasy.
School officials in upstate New York are apologizing for an X-rated type style that was used on a third-grade spelling packet. The font showed male and female stick figures in provocative poses to form the letters of the alphabet.
Parents at Pine Tree Elementary School in Orange County got the spelling packet at an open house. Administrators said the veteran teacher didn't use the font on purpose.
The design of the font was so subtle that school officials and many parents missed it, according to the Record Online. Many parents didn't know about the kinky font until they received a letter of apology from school Principal Jean Maxson.
"This packet was reviewed by a number of people, including myself," Maxson wrote. "I take full responsibility for this inappropriate publication."
"It was very unintentional. No one did this on purpose," Superintendent Joseph DiLorenzo said, according to the Journal. "It was missed. It was a mistake."
Monroe is about 45 miles northwest of New York City.

HOMELAND INSECURITY

Al-Qaida warns Muslims: Time to get out of U.S.Afghan terror commander hints at big attack on N.Y., Washington
Posted: September 17, 20061:00 a.m. Eastern

The new al-Qaida field commander in Afghanistan is calling for Muslims to leave the U.S. – particularly Washington and New York – in anticipation of a major terror attack to rival Sept. 11, according to an interview by a Pakistani journalist.
Abu Dawood told Hamid Mir, a reporter who has covered al-Qaida and met with Osama bin Laden, the attack is being coordinated by Adnan el-Shukrijumah and suggests it may involve some form of weapon of mass destruction smuggled across the Mexican border.
"Our brothers are ready to attack inside America. We will breach their security again," he is quoted as saying. "There is no timeframe for our attack inside America; we can do it any time."
As WND has previously reported, el-Shukrijumah is a trained nuclear technician and accomplished pilot who has been singled out by bin Laden and Ayman al-Zawahiri to serve as the field commander for the next terrorist attack on U.S. soil.
The terrorist was last seen in Mexico, where, on Nov. 1, 2004, he allegedly hijacked a Piper PA Pawnee crop duster from Ejido Queretaro near Mexicali to transport a nuclear weapon and nuclear equipment into the U.S., according to Paul Williams, a former FBI consultant and author of "The Dunces of Doomsday."
"He is an American and a friend of Muhammad Atta, who led 9/11 attacks five years ago," said Dawood. "We call him 'Jaffer al Tayyar' (Jafer the Pilot); he is very brave and intelligent. (President) Bush is aware that brother Adnan has smuggled deadly materials inside America from the Mexican border. Bush is silent about him, because he doesn’t want to panic his people. Sheikh Osama bin Laden has completed his cycle of warnings. You know, he is man of his words, he is not a politician; he always does what he says. If he said it many times that Americans will see new attacks, they will definitely see new attacks. He is a real mujahid. Americans will not win this war, which they have started against Muslims. Americans are the biggest supporters of the biggest terrorist in the world, which is Israel."
Dawood said he was currently conducting operations in Afghanistan under the leadership of the Taliban. He warned of a series of upcoming suicide bombings there directed against government and coalition forces during Ramadan.
He is also quoted as saying the next attack in America will not be conducted by people like Atta.
"We have a different plan for the next attack," he told Mir. "You will see. Americans will hardly find out any Muslim names, after the next attack. Most of our brothers are living in Western countries, with Jewish and Christian names, with passports of Western countries. This time, someone with the name of Mohamed Atta will not attack inside America, it would be some David, Richard or Peter."
He said there will be another audio message from bin Laden aired within the next two weeks.
Mir reportedly interviewed Dawood Sept. 12 at the tomb of Sultan Mehmud Ghaznawi on the outskirts of Kabul. Dawood and the al-Qaida leaders who accompanied him were clean-shaven and dressed as Western reporters. The al-Qaida commander had contacted Mir by cell phone to arrange the meeting.
"You have witnessed the brutality of the Israelis in the recent 34-day war against Lebanese civilians," said Dawood. "9/11 was a revenge of Palestinian children, killed by the U.S.-made weapons, supplied to Israel. The next attack on America would be a revenge of Lebanese children killed by U.S.-made cluster bombs. Bush and (British Prime Minister Tony) Blair are the Crusaders, and Muslim leaders, like (Pakistani President Pervez) Musharraf and (Afghani President Hamid) Karzai are their collaborators. We will teach a lesson to all of them."
El-Shukrijumah was born in Guyana Aug. 4, 1975 – the firstborn of Gulshair el-Shukrijumah, a 44-year-old radical Muslim cleric, and his 16-year-old wife. In 1985, Gulshair migrated to the United States, where he assumed duties as the imam of the Farouq Mosque in Brooklyn.
The mosque, located at 554 Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, has served as a hive for terrorist activities. It has raised millions for the jihad and has served as a recruiting station for al-Qaida. Many of the planners of the 1993 attack on the World Trade Center, including blind Sheikh Omar Abdel Rahman, were prominent members of this notorious "house of worship."
In 1995, the Shukrijumah family relocated to Miramar, Fla., where Gulshair became the spiritual leader of the radical Masjid al-Hijah Mosque, and where Adnan became friends with Jose Padilla, who planned to detonate a radiological bomb in midtown Manhattan; Mandhai Jokhan, who was convicted of attempting to blow up nuclear power plants in southern Florida; and a group of other home-grown terrorists.
Adnan Shukrijumah attended flight schools in Florida and Norman, Oklahoma, along with Mohammad Atta and the other 9/11 operatives, and he became a highly skilled commercial jet pilot, although he, like Atta and the other terrorists, never applied for a license with the Federal Aviation Commission.
In April 2001, Shukrijumah spent 10 days in Panama, where he reportedly met with al-Qaida officials to assist in the planning of 9/11. He also traveled to Trinidad and Guyana, where virulent al-Qaida cells have been established. The following month, he obtained an associate's degree in computer engineering from Broward Community College.
During this time, he managed to get passports from Guyana, Trinidad, Saudi Arabia, Canada and the United States, according to Williams. He also began to adopt a number of aliases, including Abu Arifi, Jafar al-Tayyar, Jaafar At Yayyar, Ja'far al-Tayar, and Mohammed Sher Mohammed Khan (the name that appeared on his official FBI file). He traveled to Saudi Arabia and Pakistan, where he met with Ramzi Binalshibh, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, and other members of the al-Qaida high command. He also spent considerable time within al-Qaida camps in Afghanistan, where he received training in explosives and special operations.
Following 9/11, el-Shukrijumah was reportedly singled out by bin Laden and al-Zawahiri to spearhead the next great attack on America. One plan was for a nuclear attack that would take place simultaneously in seven U.S. cities, leaving millions dead and the richest and most powerful nation on earth in ashes.
"Muslims should leave America," said Dawood. "We cannot stop our attack just because of the American Muslims; they must realize that American forces are killing innocent Muslims in Afghanistan and Iraq; we have the right to respond back, in the same manner, in the enemy's homeland. The American Muslims are like a human shield for our enemy; they must leave New York and Washington."
Mir, the journalist, has reported previously that al-Qaida has smuggled nuclear weapons and uranium into the U.S.
"I am saying that Muslims must leave America, but we can attack America anytime," he said. "Our cycle of warnings has been completed, now we have fresh edicts from some prominent Muslim scholars to destroy our enemy, this is our defending of Jihad; the enemy has entered in our homes and we have the right to enter in their homes, they are killing us, we will kill them."

These are coffins!

History Lesson

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.


















Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.



John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.


Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Subject: Please Read if you speak English

Our granddaughter in California was turned down for a teaching job, because she only had one yr. of Spanish. She got a job at a private school. She now teaches in Rancho Cucamonga, second grade.
Had an interesting conversation with a lady of Hispanic origin last week. She told me that she planned to come down to St. Mary's and get a job in Admissions (where I work). When I pointed out that we didn't have any openings, she advised me that "soon" current employees will have to be fired to hire bi-lingual employees. According to this lady, the Spanish-speaking people of the U S are going to demand that all public facilities like hospitals, courthouses, etc. - be staffed by people who read, speak and comprehend Spanish.

We hear about the silent majority, but I think we are going to have to speak up or find ourselves a conquered country. That would be an interesting historical note - greatest land in the world conquered by Mexico without ever firing a shot! Think about it. Petition to require citizenship to be eligible for social services in the United States. No amnesty and no free services for illegal immigrants.

I the undersigned below, agree that we need to keep English as our primary language and those who live in our country need to learn ENGLISH, not make the US citizens conform to Spanish. LET'S KEEP THE CHOICE OF LEARNING THE SECOND LANGUAGE OF SPANISH EXACTLY THAT; A CHOICE NOT A REQUIREMENT. LET'S NOT LET OUR AMERICA BE GIVEN AWAY TO THE UNDESERVING.
Please pass this on. Highlight the body of the e-mail. Go up and click on EDIT. Scroll to COPY. Go to COMPOSE and bring curser from the address line to the body of the e-mail box. go back up to EDIT and hit PASTE. Go down to the bottom of the list. Type in your number, Name and the city where you live. Go up and put in the addresses of all you wish to send this to and hit FORWARD. When you get to 400 please send it to president@whitehouse.gov. Your children will appreciate it.

PETITION FOR PRES. BUSH,

Is this what the U.S. factory worker has to look forward to?

From an American school teacher - - -

"As you listen to the news about the student protests over illegal immigration there are some things that you should be aware of:



I am in charge of the English-as-a-second-language department at a large southern California high school which is designated a Title 1 school, meaning that its students average lower socio-economic and income levels.

Most of the schools you are hearing about-South Gate High, Bell Gardens, Huntington Park, etc-where these students are protesting, are also Title 1 schools.



One hundred percent of the students in this school and other Title 1 schools are on the free breakfast and free lunch program. When I say free breakfast I'm not talking a glass of milk and roll -- but a full breakfast and cereal bar with fruits and juices that would make a Marriott proud.

The waste of this food is monumental, with trays and trays of it being dumped in the trash uneaten. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

I estimate that well over 50% of these students are obese or at least moderately overweight.

About 75% or more DO have cell phones.
The school also provides day care centers for the unwed teenage pregnant girls (some as young as 13) so they can attend class without the inconvenience of having to arrange for babysitters having family watch their kids. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

I was ordered to spend $700,000 on my department or risk losing funding for the upcoming year even though there was little need for anything; my budget was already substantial

I ended up buying new computers for the computer learning center; half of which, one month later, have been carved with graffiti by the appreciative students who obviously feel humbled and grateful to have a free education ;in America. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)



I have had to intervene several times for young and substitute teachers whose classes consist of many illegal immigrant students here in the country less then 3 months who raised so much hell with the female teachers, calling them "Putas"(whores) and throwing things that the teachers were in tears.



Free medical, free education, free food, day care etc., etc., etc. Is it any wonder they feel entitled to not only be in this country but to demand rights, privileges and entitlements?

To my bleeding-heart friends who want to point out how much these illegal immigrants contribute to our society because they LIKE their gardener and housekeeper and they like to pay less for tomatoes: spend some time in the real world of illegal immigration and see the TRUE costs.



Higher insurance, Medical facilities closing, higher medical costs, more crime, lower standards of education in our schools, overcrowding, new diseases etc., etc., etc.

For me, I'll pay more for tomatoes.

We need to wake up. The guest worker program will be a disaster because we won't have the guts to enforce it.
Does anyone in their right mind really think they will voluntarily leave and return?
There are many hardworking Hispanic/American citizens that contribute to our country and many that I consider my true friends. We should encourage and accept those Hispanics who have done it the right and legal way.



It does, however, have everything to do with culture:
A third-world culture that does not value education, that accepts children getting pregnant and dropping out of school by 15 and that refuses to assimilate, and an American culture that has become so weak and worried about "politically correct" that we don't have the will to do anything about it.

If this makes your blood boil, as it did mine, forward this to everyone you know."

Remembering 9-11 Sept 7, 2002

This one-meter resolution satellite image of the Pentagon reconstruction progress was collected on September 7, 2002 by Space Imaging's IKONOS satellite.

Remembering 9-11 Aug 5, 2002

This one-meter resolution satellite image of the Pentagon reconstruction progress was collected on Aug. 5, 2002 by Space Imaging's IKONOS satellite. New rooflines are taking shape in the outermost rings of the building. The construction crane, which was visible in early images, has now been removed. Much of the roof of the outer ring has been completed.

Remembering 9-11 June 3, 2002

This one-meter resolution satellite image of the Pentagon reconstruction progress was collected on June 3, 2002 by Space Imaging's IKONOS satellite. The three rings are more defined as progress continues during the reconstructed. New rooflines are taking shape in the outermost rings of the building.

Remembering 9-11 Feb 5, 2002

This one-meter resolution satellite image of the Pentagon reconstruction progress was collected on Feb. 5, 2002 by Space Imaging's IKONOS satellite. The three rings are still under complete reconstruction. Long shadows are prevalent on this winter image.